Barack and Michelle Obama know a thing or two about what makes a successful marriage. The couple met in 1989, married three years later, and went on to raise two daughters — Malia and Sasha — all the way through his two-term presidency and beyond.
Throughout the years, they've navigated everything from career transitions to eight intense years in the White House. “Obviously, I couldn’t have done anything that I’ve done without Michelle,” Barack said during a sit-down with Oprah Winfrey. Some of their most honest reflections, however, have also come after leaving office.
Michelle, specifically, has spoken openly about both the highs and lows of marriage through memoirs like “Becoming” and “The Light We Carry,” as well as her podcast and numerous interviews. And despite persistent rumors, no, the Obamas never split. “When we aren’t [together], folks think we’re divorced,” Michelle humorously pointed out during her “IMO” podcast.
On that note, here are 13 of the Obamas’ best quotes about love and marriage.
1. "It’s important to marry somebody who is your equal, and to marry somebody and to be with somebody who wants you to win as much as you want them to win."
Michelle Obama shared plenty of wisdom about marriage during her keynote conversation with Gayle King at the ESSENCE Fest, particularly around the importance of having an equal partner. “My husband is my teammate. If we are going to win this game together, he has to be strong and he has to be okay with me being strong,” she emphasized. “I do not want a weak player on my team, nor does he.”
2. "If you were going to list the 100 most popular things that I have done as president, being married to Michelle Obama is No. 1."
During his 2010 State of the Union address, Barack Obama joked about how popular his wife is. Although our 44th president was known to have comedic timing, he made a good point: Your partner probably deserves the top spot on your bragging list.
3. "After about 15 years, I finally figured out that she's always right. So surprisingly, we just stopped fighting after that."
You know what they say: happy wife, happy life. During an appearance on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," Barack talked about family life, including the surprisingly simple reason he never argues with Michelle.
4. “Marriage counseling was a turning point for me, understanding that it wasn't up to my husband to make me happy, that I had to learn how to fill myself up and how to put myself higher on my priority list."
Yes, even the former president and first lady gave marriage counseling a shot. On "The Tonight Show," Michelle admitted that she originally went into therapy thinking it would “fix” Barack. "And then, our counselor looked over at me. I was like, 'What are you looking at? I'm perfect,'" she said. However, therapy helped her realize there were things she needed to work on, too, to make the relationship stronger.
5. "What I value most about my marriage is that it is separate and apart from a lot of the silliness of Washington. And Michelle is not part of that silliness."
“The notion that I just couldn’t take my wife out on a date without it being a political issue was not something I was happy with,” Barack told The New York Times. Throughout his presidency, he consistently emphasized that their relationship existed outside the politics of D.C. Barack and Michelle’s marriage is very much not for show.
6. “What are you trying to get out of this relationship with this other person? Have you thought it through? Are you seeking a wedding or do you want a relationship? Those are two very different things.”
Michelle gave quite a bit of relationship advice in her memoir “The Light We Carry: Overcoming in Uncertain Times,” some of it about how we show up for ourselves, and some of it about how we show up for the people closest to us. One point likely to resonate with younger readers is her advice not to give up too quickly. "They quit before they've really played out the full scenario," she said, per NPR. Instead of glamorizing the big weddings and picture-perfect moments we see online, Michelle made it clear that most marriages will have “long stretches of discomfort.”
7. “It’s incumbent upon us — people who have had successful marriages — to be really honest about the fact that making a commitment to be with someone means you compromise, and compromise ain’t always fun.”
Compromise is the key to a good marriage, Michelle told Gayle King on “CBS Mornings.” The back-and-forth isn’t always pretty, especially with children involved. “And don’t add kids into the mix because they really mess up your life,” she added.
8. “It’s a wonderful thing if you are married and living in a home with your children, but don’t just sit in the house and watch SportsCenter all weekend long.”
Education is everything, for adults, and especially for children. During his time as a senator, Barack spoke at the Apostolic Church of God on Father’s Day. “As fathers and parents, we’ve got to spend more time with them, and help them with their homework, and replace the video game or the remote control with a book once in a while,” he said, according to The New York Times.
9. “The great thing about the girls is they’ve got a wonderful role model in their mom. They’ve seen how Michelle and I interact — not only the love but also the respect that I show to their mom.”
Although he wasn’t exactly talking about marriage — just Malia Obama’s dating future — Barack still gave advice worth listening to. He said it’s important to be with someone who brings out the best version of you, and that goes double when you’re around your kids. “So, I think they have pretty high expectations about how relationships should be,” the 44th president said of his and Michelle’s daughters. “That gives me some confidence about the future.”
10. “It has to be a true partnership, and you have to really, really like and respect the person you’re married to, because it is a hard road.”
In a 2011 sit-down on “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” Michelle opened up about what made her marriage to Barack last (18 years at the time, to be exact). “I stopped believing in love at first sight,” she said, per Oprah. “I think you go through that wonderful love stage, but when it gets hard, you need a little bit more."
11. “Our marriage has never been perfectly 50-50. One of us is always needing more or giving more. We have to be willing to listen to each other, honestly and without defensiveness.”
“I’ve lived in a number of places, but as far as I’m concerned, I’ve only ever had one real home,” Michelle wrote in an Instagram post. “My home is my family. My home is Barack.” She went on to reflect on how most relationships aren’t truly 50-50. Sometimes we give more than we expected to, and other times, we need more than we thought we would.
12. “Michelle and I know that our first job, our first responsibility, is instilling a sense of learning, a sense of a love of learning in our kids.”
Discipline and responsibility have always been at the core of Barack and Michelle’s love story. During a speech addressing the No Child Left Behind Act, the former president said that before anything else — careers, status, or public roles — his and Michelle’s main job was ensuring their kids grew up curious, educated, and above all, feeling loved. It just goes to show love starts at home, nowhere else.
13. “There were times that I wanted to push Barack out of the window. And I say that because it’s like, you’ve got to know the feelings will be intense. But that doesn’t mean you quit.”
The takeaway here isn't that Michelle once considered tossing Barack out the window. It’s that she didn’t, and more importantly, why she didn’t. Speaking with Conan O’Brien on "The Michelle Obama Podcast," she said, “There are going to be tough times, long periods of time where you can’t stand each other.” She and Barack got married in 1992. The hard seasons came, as they do, but how Michelle moved through them is what matters.