REVOLT WORLD’s “She Said, He Said: The Definitive Discussion on Modern Black Love” panel talked about the effects of how being unhealed correlates with cheating.
Hosts Brii Renee, Brittany Monae, Tori “Tori Brixx” Hughes, Akilah Ffriend and Kennedy Rue-McCullough of “Black Girls Stuff” hit the stage with special guests Joey Badass, Tyler Lepley, Quincy Brown and 19Keys to discuss hot relationship topics. One of the most prominent questions many women have is if their man can truly be in love with them and cheat. During the live show, the male guests gave their perspectives.
Although Lepley doesn’t believe someone can be in love and cheat, the “P-Valley” actor proposed that when a person isn’t satisfied in their relationship and no longer wants to invest in their partner, they’re more prone to step out.
“I gotta disagree with that,” the father of two said. “I feel like if you [are] in a situation that you’re not really fulfilled in, you know… I’m not gonna say it’s easy, but you’re not really locked in. So, distractions can become a little bit more on your foresight, you know what I mean?”
“If we get lost in this conversation of what can you do for me and what can I do for you, it just, it’s all transactional and it’s all surface level,” he continued. “We’re not building with each other at this point. We [are] just using each other, so it’s like, this is where all these conversations come from. If you living up here, then I guess you’re right. You just going to f**k on anything or whatever it is. It [doesn’t] matter because nothing matters besides the money.”
Brown agreed and chimed in to share his thoughts. “Backpacking off what he said ’cause then like, what is love, you know what I mean? Are we at that love for real? [Are we at the] point to really establish a relationship to where I’m not even entertaining anything else because of where I’m at physically, spiritually with you? So I feel like that really has to be at that point before you just consider,” the model said.
Lepley added, “And I feel like there’s a certain emotional IQ that comes with it. If you [are] not ready to live that life, then you going to live life in the gutter. Do what gutter rats do.”
Global thought leader 19Keys spoke to the root of the issue, which he believes stems from a person’s childhood since it can influence the decisions one makes.
“Its branches and the root always goes down to childhood and how you perceive your parents,” he explained, referencing to a holistic psychologist he follows. “Regardless if you [are] in love or not, if you [are] unhealed then you would do things to try to conceal those wounds. So, you look for comfort, and a lot of times it comes from a lack of communication. It comes from your dependency styles. It comes from projecting the way that you view emotions and women onto your woman based on how you viewed your mom.”
The public speaker added that the solution is to actively participate in things that make you dig deep and grow.
“I think a lot of it is about being healed and doing the shadow work. That side of yourself that you suppress that is still there, that continues to come up. So I believe that anybody [who is] not unhealed will continue to do the same habits. But once you heal, then what you’re doing is you’re adding new habits on top of the old ones so that that becomes your new framework of activating.”
This led Joey to share his frustration with focusing on negative aspects of relationships like cheating because he believes in Black love. The “Power Book III: Raising Kanan” actor wants relationship conversations to focus on providing the necessary tools to have a successful one.
“I just think that it’s interesting that we are the only race having this conversation,” he said. “I feel like I speak for a lot of people when I say I’m so ready to move on from the slower vibration and to get back to building and progressing our nation, you know what I’m saying? And tonight to [19]Keys’ point, [fewer] conversations about cheating and more conversations about healing.”