Chris Brown was once a bright star, whose promise seemed limitless and innocence appeared pure. Then, the singer became a pariah in the aftermath of him striking Rihanna in a domestic assault incident in 2009. The singer has apologized countless times and has struggled with explaining his actions since that night. Now, however, in a forthcoming documentary, “Welcome To My Life,” he’s set to speak on what happened again, though, in a more candid way.

“I felt like a fucking monster,” Brown says in a trailer that arrived today (March 18). “I was thinking about suicide and everything else. I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t eating. I just was getting high.”

There’s no word on when the documentary will debut, but a three-minute trailer is out now and features Brown talking about Rihanna and others, including his mother and Usher, talking abut his meteoric rise.