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I Guess… | Gobble gobble, the world's gone to shit

2018 has been one of those weird years -- some points were extremely high, others extremely low.

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'I Guess' is Kathy Iandoli's battle cry of #shruglife. It's everything that impresses us and unimpresses us—which could be one in the same given the day.

Thanksgiving week is upon us with the days leading up to that holiday that most of us #woke people outwardly dismiss, as we shove mashed potatoes into our mouths, while telling anyone who will listen that we're simply "showing gratitude for family and friends, and not celebrating the day." The year 2018 has been one of those weird ones -- some points were extremely high, others extremely low. And maybe I'm just projecting my own life here, but judging by the balance of both depressing and inspirational memes that fly across my explore page on Instagram, I know I'm not alone.

We've lived with our faces glued to the headlines, offering our own hot takes whenever possible, like our opinions (or the fodder) even matter. It's like going to an escape room for your birthday and mistaking an actual power outage for a part of the experience. So, you're laughing in the dark until you realize you're legitimately trapped. Was that too dramatic? Whatever, you'll be fine.

Anyway, we do have some things to be thankful for this year amidst the shit pile of world news that has sobered our delusional drunken souls. Here are 12 things from this year to be thankful for!


If I didn't start with her, what kind of an evil creature would I be? Plus, when is it not appropriate to be thankful for Beyoncé over everything? While it feels like ages ago since The Carters released Everything Is Love, we can still celebrate Bey like it just dropped on TIDAL yesterday.


Memes are literally the new news stories. They're the reactionary pieces that we're looking for when something happens. They also save us from bad days or perhaps make our days worse by consuming us. I can't decide. Whatever, I love memes.

This man's neck.

Now, before you write a think piece about me for neck shaming, I'm simply full of gratitude for his neck and a commenter who said that he looks like he can drink peanut butter. That's a talent. I can't do that. Can you? Exactly, so shut up.

The end of the Shiggy Challenge.

I actually still have no clue who the fuck Kiki is from "In My Feelings" and quite frankly, I don't care. All I care about is that this challenge is over, so I don't have to see you and your friends ghostriding a Buick, and doing the same dances I see in Starburst commercials.

Kanye West's album delay.

Kanye tweeted not too long ago: "It felt so good being on the stage last night with my brother Cudi. After performing again, I realize the new album I've been working on isn't ready yet. I'll announce the release date once it's done. Thank you for understanding." After dealing with the string of 20-minute albums from Lord MAGA and his friends (don't start yelling, I enjoyed some of the music), it'll be good to not have to deal with Kanye's musical bravado for a little bit longer.

Donald Trump.

Thanks to the cantaloupe-tinted antichrist, we now have the true face of evil. It's like the first time you meet Bowser from Super Mario Bros. and he's throwing those sledgehammer ax things at you, and you're like oh wow, I'm supposed to fight YOU? I'm good luv, enjoy.

Which brings me to…

"I'm good luv, enjoy."

I don't remember a single musical thing Future did this year. But, I damn sure remember this phrase. I overuse this phrase like a soccer mom still claiming to bring sexy back.

"Thank u, next."

Here's another phrase that embodies the power of goodbye. While Ariana Grande did the lord's work in both honoring the memory of Mac Miller and bidding Pete Davidson a farewell on earth, this can apply to any situation where you must show someone gratitude… and the door.

Bhad Bhabie.

Gloria Steinem once said, "The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off." Bhad Bhabie has pissed off many people with her brutal honesty, so basically she's Steinem. Wait, that doesn't sound right AT ALL. Anyway, stop yourself from posting "I side with Iggy" after that drink-flinging incident because you were just slamming Iggy like a week ago.

Nicki Minaj and Cardi B.

I love them both. I also love how they've dominated the headlines all damn year because women in rap are RUNNING SHIT. Here, let's enjoy this "Motorsport" video in honor of that time that they inadvertently got along.

Asahd Khaled.

Sometimes we take a look at our lives and we wonder where we're going. We become so self-reflective that we can't find a moment to even be present. Then, we pick ourselves up and say, "Hey champ, you're doing the best you can, ok?" We feel better. Then, we look at Asahd Khaled, who is barely two years old, has more money than we'll ever have, and smiles wider than we ever will. And we retreat back to our introspective mental caves.

Migos enjoying Whitney Houston.

If Migos singing and dancing during James Corden's Carpool Karaoke doesn't bring you joy, then you lead a very miserable life. Also, does it look like Takeoff was left off "I Wanna Dance With Somebody"?

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