clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Someone please explain Cam Newton's Instagram

The NFL MVP is a monster on IG.

Cameron Newton is a phenomenal athlete. The Carolina Panthers quarterback is the NFL MVP and Offensive Player of the Year. He carried his team to the Super Bowl for the first time in a decade. He is known for his dancing — the Dab was his favorite move last season — as well as being a man of (sometimes questionable) style.

But it's the offseason now, and athletes have more time on their hands to do things like post on social media. It is this subject that needs to be discussed today. You see, Cam Newton's Instagram is a travesty. Despite being nice visually, it is a full-on attack on the English language.

Take a look at his caption from the fourth of July: "•hömëÔFthëßRÅVĖ..1ÃÑDôfTHÊfrēē• »happy1NDEPENDENCEday« #iWmW -1OVE."

The number one functions as a capital I in independence, and as an L in land. There are no spaces between words, this is a German B (ß), every other word is in all caps, and there's all manner of random carets and umlauts going on. Because the human brain knows what the sentence should be, chances are you could actually decipher that...eventually. But Cam, WHY IS YOUR INSTAGRAM ONE BIG BRAIN TEASER?

It's such a simple sentiment that he's trying to express. Isn't it more work to not use the regular alphabet?

"dearGÖD, ördërMŸstëps! S1NCERELY, -ßØØG1ë ps: i1OVEüGOD; THÄNKüGÖDforWHATü'veDONEandWHATurÂßÔÛT toDÔ‼️ #ÂMÊN"

These, allegedly, are Drake lyrics.

"•ISÿöüS1NGLEôrWHAT•iNEEDaG1RLfrom THEcountry•iNEEDaG1RLfromKENTUCKY• iNEEDaSHAWTYfromHOUSTON•iNEEDa G1RLwhoGÔN 1OVEme •iNEEDaG1RLwhoGONEtrustME •SOME1to me• SOME1toMAKEmeFEEL 1UCKY‼️ -drake"

And don't even try to read his Father's Day caption. It'll make your head hurt.

"HAPPYfathersDAYtoTHEmost 1NFLUêNT1ALmale1NmyL1FE! 1MluckyBECAUSEalotOFmen/BOYS can'tSAYthatABOUTthereB1RTHfather! iAPPREC1ATEÿöüONmanyCOUNTS butMOSTofALLfor beingApositiveRO1E model1NmyL1FE—thankŸÖÜpøp‼️ •anyoneCANhaveK1DS… …BÜTaREALmanBECOMESaFÂTHÊRto "H1S"kids #iWmW -1OVE#happyFÂTHERSdayTOdadsALLøver"

Instagram is a space to create a certain aesthetic, for sure. Let's hope Cam reserves this font setting only for the 'Gram, because could you imagine having a text message conversation like this?! God bless his BM.

Sign up for the newsletter Join the revolution.

Get REVOLT updates weekly so you don’t miss a thing.