If you’re a young adult, you’ve experienced dating and a relationship by now; at least I assume. In high school we called it “going with” someone; in college we graduated to “talking” to someone. Now there’s this gray area that has doomed our love lives, and it is known as the "situationship." This week, REVOLT Live had a debate on that new-age title that clearly needs to be continued.
What I’ve experienced on and off for the last year of dating is that nowadays the vibe, physical chemistry and personality can be A1, but there is that awkward "where are we now" after a few months or weeks. That is frustrating to at least one person in the situation. It’s the stage of dating where you’re almost a relationship, but not actually. The worst part is that many couples get stuck in this stage and end up disintegrating before it ever turns into anything. Here are the nine signs that you and your boo bae are in a situationship.
1. DATING WITH NO TITLE.
To some, a situationship doesn’t equate to dating. I disagree, and this definition slightly agrees with me. When someone asks if you and your boo are in a relationship, you reply, “We’re just dating and having fun,” or that slightly awkward response, “We’re figuring things out.” Figuring things out means one of you wants more and hasn’t quite figured out whether your partner is on the same page. A conversation about "us" is looming.
2. NO FUTURE TALK BUT YOU’VE BEEN A "THING" FOR THREE MONTHS OR MORE.
The hookups are frequent at this point and you see each other once or more a week, but there has not been a discussion of a future together. You’re basically toying with the idea of extending your time together, but there has not been an open dialogue of what the next 12 months will be.
3. YOU LOVE THEM BUT DON’T DISCUSS FEELING
You clearly love that person or may even be "in love" with them, but that gut-wrenching conversation about your feelings hasn’t really come up. And if it did come up, you scratched the surface and hid how you truly, deeply feel.
4. YOU ATTEND "DATE-FRIENDLY" EVENTS ALONE.
Work holiday parties, weddings, birthday brunches, beach parties, happy hours — all attended with just the homies. You never extend the boo bae an invitation because you’re not ready to introduce them to those you spend a lot of platonic time with. Don’t get me wrong, your partner doesn’t need to be included at every event, but if you’re in a situationship you often make plans without them.
5. YOU’RE DATING EXCLUSIVELY
You’re pretty much exclusively seeing each other and you know this. You may have done the occasional "phone sweep" or "social media scanning" and haven’t seen any alarming signs there’s someone else. You’ve probably even discussed the exclusivity of your partnership but still haven’t discussed this "thing" is a relationship.
6. HOOKUPS ARE CASUAL, YET PASSIONATE
The physical chemistry couldn’t be stronger or more intimate. You get anxious to spend that alone time with your partner and you typically spend the night. You're not in a rush to leave after a steamy session and you more than likely cuddle regularly. Check the bathroom and the underwear drawer; you probably have an item sitting there right now.
7. THE CLOSEST CONNECTION YOU’VE HAD TO THEIR FRIENDS/CO-WORKERS IS SNAPCHAT
You know exactly who their turnup homies are, you know that cutie co-worker they always get silly with on Snap, and you know who their close friends are, but you still have not met them. It’s been over a month and you casually mention your interest in meeting each other’s inner circle, but it always becomes a thing that just hasn’t happened yet.
8. YOU DON’T FOLLOW EACH OTHER ON ANY SOCIAL MEDIA
At one point in college when I was all game for the situationships. I had a rule of not following my boo baes on social because I didn’t want to be “all in each other’s business.” That day and age has passed. Facebook can be a little too close to family, Twitter is a case-by-case scenario, but if you aren’t at least following each other on Snapchat, there’s your clue to your situationship.
9. TEXTING, WITH NO CALLS, NO FACETIME, HELL NOT EVEN SKYPE DATES
Texting regularly is fine. However, there is no "Good Morning (insert pet name)" text, no daily sentimental text or no use of boo bae emojis. Most of us have jobs, a social life outside of our partners and responsibilities that don’t make us available for a daily call/FaceTime. But, you and your partner never talk on the phone or even text consistently. Video calling? Forget it. The most agonizing: You know what they’re doing after a certain time in the evening yet they don’t call or video call, ever. And more than likely, you don’t care.
Whether you’re not ready for a full relationship or are truly just enjoying playing the field the fact remains you can’t sit in the situationship stage forever. It’s all fair in love and games, just don’t hope you will have that Love Jones ending if you are stuck in this list.