If you're reading this, it's too late — gotcha.
After pulling a fast one on fans a year ago with the retail mixtape, If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late, Drake will show his hands this time around once VIEWS, the eagerly anticipated fourth studio album, premieres tonight on Beats 1’s OVO Sound Radio. But just because everyone is expected to have their eyes and ears glued to their Apple products when the clock strikes 7PM PT/10PM ET, doesn't mean there's no need for proper preparedness. These are frantic hours, but don’t fret. In order to be ready, you have to get ready. So here we lined up a quick step-by-step manual for you to get your game on track for the 6 God’s impending wrath.
What Is VIEWS?
Since shortened from its original title, Views From the 6, Drake's VIEWS is unarguably his biggest album to date. This is a project where, unlike his previous, the music will outweigh the projected sales and award certifications. Does Drake have a classic in him?
The 10 Steps To Proper VIEWS Preparedness
Step One: Lay out a clean pair of cozy boy attire (see Foot Action for Nike apparel deals) for a comfortable listening experience.
Step Two: This is for Drake STANS only: Prepare your Drake shrine (we know you have one) prior to listening to the album. This will come in handy as you work your way through each track and reminisce about all of his past greatness. If for some reason you don't have one here's some tips on what to include in your shrine: Drake posters, pictures, magazine covers, tour merch, candles, incense, tissue, flowers, a Blackberry phone, Toronto key chain, old phone numbers from exes written on crumbled scraps of paper, hookah, Virginia Black whiskey and/or Hennessy.
Step Three: Go back and listen to So Far Gone through Nothing Was the Same to relive Drake's sonic journey.
Step Four: Start a new 'Notes' tab on your iPhones, title it 'Drake Quotes' and leave no additional text (We'll be using these during the premiere). Also be sure you are connected to Instagram, Twitter, and Snap — on a night like tonight you don't need to go through the hassle of the "Forgot Your Password" struggle.
Step Five: Whether it is Firefox, Safari, or Internet Explorer, make sure you clear your browser history and cache. Don't be the person still waiting for the load up, when all of North America has memorized the album. Don't be that person!
Step Six: (For the men) Make sure all of the women you know aren't exactly sure what your next life move is. Once completed, sit back in your most comfortable chair and reflect on the one that got away. Contemplate reaching out to her via text or social media and then remember she's happy with her boyfriend/husband and child.
Step Seven: Do not leave your house. If you need to pick up groceries, do that prior. If you have to walk your dog, do that prior. Need to pick up bae from work or the train station? Let them know "tonight is not the night." If you have work obligations, see our sample excuse letter below.
Step Eight: (For the ladies) Just like when LEMONADE dropped, disconnect yourself from the rest of the world once VIEWS arrives and melt away at the beautiful musical-rap blended symphonies that Drake has once again cooked up for you.
Step Nine: Imagine you are Drake sitting courtside at a Raptors game. You know how excited he gets watching his team ? That is how excited YOU need to be for VIEWS.
Step Ten: After playing the album in full, get in your car, play it back and start driving. There's a 99.999% chance you'll end up at your ex's house. #DrakeAndDrive
Bonus Step: Take a look at those "Summer Sixteen" tour dates and ticket prices, then check your budget. Did you pay your taxes yet?
The VIEWS Excuse Letter (Copy, paste, and send to your employer)
Please be advised that ___ will be absent from work today. We ask that ___ absence be excused due to the emotional distress caused by last night's global listening party, which called for mandatory attendance.
All hands were on deck for this event, so we personally ask that you excuse _ for the entire day so that they can charge up and get their life back together.
Additional Preparedness Resources