Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker has opened about his addiction to painkillers, which he says left him suicidal and living “day-to-day.”

In a new interview with Billboard, Barker said his low point came during the group’s 2004 tour when his addiction to Oxycodone became so bad that he required security to sleep during the day and stay up all night to make sure he was alive.

“My bones were so brittle from so much painkiller use,” he said. “I had this moment when I got to Europe for that tour where I really identified myself as a dumpster. And I wasn’t proud. I was scared. I had to call [Blink-182 member] Mark [Hoppus] and say, ‘Hey, man. I’m like borderline suicidal. I’m going crazy. I need to go home.’”

Barker is promoting his new memoir, Can I Say: Living Large, Cheating Death & Drums Drums Drums, which will be available on Oct. 20.